Nothing to See Here

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T15:55:46Z

I had the thought this morning that I should make love to my wife at midnight tonight so I could literally wish her a "happy f***ing new year." But she wouldn't appreciate the humor in that.

I'm afraid this is what my LiveJournal has degenerated to. Things I can't post on Facebook. :-) You see, here my wife is a nameless, faceless entity, so it's funny (IMHO). On FB, she has a name, photos, and most of my FB friends have probably met her, so it's too personal.

Wrongness

2009-08-10T15:07:56Z

Something is wrong when it's the unbaptized, agnostic member of the family (me) who spent the most time actually at the church service, including being the only one of his family there for the for sermon. Wife and child #1 were preparing for the church picnic. Child #2 got to go to "children's church" during the middle of service.

Spam say what?

2009-08-04T14:10:01Z

Today's "winning" spam subject: **SPAM** YOU HAVE WON!!!

Gee, that couldn't possibly be a scam, could it?

My apologies for not posting much to LJ any more. (Not that I did a lot to begin with.) I'm getting most of my narcissistic needs met on Facebook and the proper blog I've started. I still come here to read daily, though, so just call me lurker.

The what?

2009-07-17T13:06:02Z

Today I got a spam titled "The Internet's best-kept secret." It's likely I've gotten such a message before, but didn't think about it at the time: there are no secrets on the Internet! Putting anything on the Internet is quite the opposite of a secret. (Yeah, I know what they meant, but still....)

...but neither had on a car bra.

2009-05-06T18:06:32Z

I'm experiencing an odd convergence of cars and boobs lately. Last week I pulled up behind a car which had a non-vanity plate of "44B00B1". Which means somewhere out there is the person who was four behind them in line. Their license plate, on first glance, says "44BOOBS"!

Today, I saw an oval sticker on the back of a car that said "Save the ta-tas!" over a pink breast cancer awareness ribbon.

Quick funny

2009-03-19T18:10:28Z

I went to Taco Bell to grab an extra-large Baja Blast Mountain Dew to get some caffeine to compensate for lack of sleep last night. I grew disgusted with the drive-thru line not moving, so I went inside. All I ordered was the drink, but the cashier still asked me if it was "for here or to go?"

Miscellaneous bits and pieces

2009-02-27T16:04:22Z

First, LiveJournal is at it again. Here's the userpic I'm seeing this morning. Same as yesterday.

And on a more amusing note, want to know how out of touch I am? I kept hearing about Slumdog Millionaire, but never bothered to pay attention. I'd assumed it was some movie about a rapper. I finally had the truth revealed to me this morning.

EDIT: Interesting. As soon as I posted this entry, my userpic went back to what it should be.

What the hell happened to my userpic?!?

2009-02-25T14:56:13Z

My default userpic has changed and I didn't do it. Nothing else seems to be affected, so I'm guessing this a LiveJournal issue and I've not been hacked. Unfortunately, I can't fix it right now because I don't have my userpics with me at work. And I've also upgraded at home since I created them, so I've got to see if I managed to transfer them to the new one or not. Argh!

So, anyone know who the two cuties dressed up as doctors are in my "new" userpic? I assume it's from some TV show I don't watch, which doesn't narrow it down much 'cause there's a lot I don't watch.

Dirty, old man

2009-02-16T20:23:37Z

I'm on Facebook now -- no, as my real name, not this pseudonym -- and am getting to see previously unseen, old photos of girls I found attractive back then. In fact, some of these "girls" are now my Facebook friends who probably would hardly have given me the time of day back then.

So my question is rather complicated. I am an adult male rapidly approaching middle age. The girls in the photos were under 18 at the time. I knew them then and was also under 18 at the time. All these years later, upon seeing said photos, does still finding them attractive (so to speak) in the photos make me a pervert?

Tag, you're it

2008-12-05T14:28:14Z

Saw a Jeep Compass with a personalized tag yesterday. It read "N S E W".

Here a She-Hulk, there a She-Hulk, Everywhere a She-Hulk

2008-12-05T14:25:04Z

For a heroine whose book has been cancelled, She-Hulk sure is getting a lot of face time. I went to get two weeks worth of comics yesterday -- went out of town for Thanksgiving -- and She-Hulk was in four different titles: She-Hulk, Hulk, She-Hulk: Cosmic Collision, and Hulk Family. I picked them all up except Hulk Family. (I probably would have bought it too if not on a limited budget.) The fun part's going to be figuring out the chronological order once the arcs in She-Hulk and Hulk conclude.

Agnostic baptism

2008-09-26T18:01:39Z

There's been another addition to my household recently, so we're talking to start baptism. All fine and good, but now the pastor is inquiring if it might be a pair of baptisms. You see, while my wife and kids (except the new one) are all baptized, I'm not.

I was not brought up in a religious home. My father calls himself an agnostic and is simply apathetic towards religion. My mother was apparently fairly religious when she was younger (through college), but now just doesn't talk about it. I tried to engage her in conversation about it once lately, but it went nowhere. As a result, I guess, I find the topic of religion fascinating, but do not consider myself a believer.

My wife grew up with religion, but was non-practicing when we met, dated, and married. A few years ago, however, some friends invited our oldest to join their child at their church's summer music camp. Since then, we've become regular attendees and, after some months, my wife and children were baptized. I opted not to do so at the time because of my conflicted views.

At the end of 2006 I went through a tough process of deciding just what I believed. I ended up deciding to label myself agnostic, simply because so much of the atheist views I was reading seemed just as smug about God's non-existence as the theists' belief that He does. In short, I came to the conclusion that Christianity (and other religions) seem like an awfully complicated set of steps for a supreme being to go through to gather believers, but there's still that nagging question of where the universe came from and just how improbable the evolution of sentient life would seem to be. In essence, the "atheist with doubts" definition of "agnostic" pegs me.

I have not shared this with anyone who actually knows me, including my wife. I wanted to talk to her at the time, and made my mind up to do it several times, but never followed through. I fear it will crush her. The topic has brought her to tears before, which I can understand when you think your loved one is going to, well, at least be denied entrance into heaven when he dies. The fact that I simply don't see any evidence that there is an afterlife at all will hardly be comforting. "Live and let live" only goes so far when it's believer vs. non-believer.

Obviously, the simple solution is to get baptized. If I truly don't believe in God, it shouldn't matter, should it? I tell myself that I just don't want to be hypocritical, but there's more to it. There's an element of doubt. What if I'm wrong?

Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner, shall be guilty of the body and the blood of the Lord. But a man must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself if he does not judge the body rightly.

1 Corinthians 11:27-29 (New American Standard Bible)

So, to summarize, I'm attending a church almost weekly, but except for the fact I'm not baptized and therefore don't take communion, no one knows I'm not truly one of the faithful. Seems I'm already fairly hypocritical, so why not get baptized? Fear, it would seem. So what now?

You want me to eat what?

2008-08-15T14:40:18Z

This bleme comes via filkertom. Like him, I was a picky eater when I was younger. How picky? I wouldn't even eat pizza in elementary school! I did eventually start trying new foods, but I didn't really start branching out until college.

The Omnivore's Hundred is a list of foods the gastronomic Andrew Wheeler thinks everyone should try at least once in their lives.

The rules of the meme:
Bold those you have tried.
Strikethrough those you wouldn't eat on a bet.
Italicize any item you'll never eat again.
Asterisk any items you'd be interested in trying but have not yet.

Venison
~~Nettle tea~~
Huevos rancheros*
~~Steak tartare~~
Crocodile [Alligator, actually.]
Black pudding
Cheese fondue*
Carp
Borscht*
Baba ghanoush*
Calamari
Pho
PB&J sandwich
Aloo gobi [I believe I've had something like this.]
Hot dog from a street cart*
Epoisses*
Black truffle
~~Fruit wine made from something other than grapes~~
Steamed pork buns*
Pistachio ice cream
Heirloom tomatoes
Fresh wild berries
~~Foie gras~~
Rice and beans
~~Brawn, or head cheese~~
~~Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper~~
Dulce de leche* [May have already had it.]
Oysters
Baklava
Bagna cauda
Wasabi peas
Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
Salted lassi
Sauerkraut
~~Root beer float~~ [Don't like root beer, but Coke floats are great!]
~~Cognac with a fat cigar~~
~~Clotted cream tea~~
~~Vodka jelly~~
Gumbo
Oxtail
Curried goat
Whole insects [I'm up in the air on this one. Certainly not live ones.]
Phaal [One bite would do, I think.]
Goat's milk*
~~Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more~~
~~Fugu~~
Chicken tikka masala*
Eel
Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut [Had one today!]
~~Sea urchin~~
Prickly pear*
Umeboshi
~~Abalone~~
Paneer*
McDonald's Big Mac Meal
Spaetzle*
~~Dirty gin martini~~
~~Beer above 8% ABV~~
Poutine
Carob chips
S'mores
~~Sweetbreads~~
Kaolin
Currywurst*
Durian
Frogs' legs
Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
~~Haggis~~
Fried plantain* [I've had plantain, but not fried, IIRC.]
~~Chitterlings, or andouillette~~
Gazpacho*
Caviar and blini
~~Louche absinthe~~
Gjetost, or brunost*
~~Roadkill~~
~~Baijiu~~
Hostess Fruit Pie
~~Snail~~
~~Lapsang souchong~~
~~Bellini~~
Tom yum
Eggs Benedict
Pocky
Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant*
Kobe beef*
Hare*
Goulash*
Flowers
Horse
Criollo chocolate*
Spam
Soft shell crab
Rose harissa*
Catfish
Mole poblano
Bagel and lox
Lobster Thermidor*
Polenta*
~~Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee~~
Snake (IIRC)

Sorry, I still don't like coffee, tea, or alcohol. Although I'm probably lying by striking through them, as I might try them on a bet. And yes, I had to do a whole lot of Wikipedia searches to find out what some of this stuff is. (And a lot of it sounded good.)

Oh dear

2008-06-20T16:51:32Z

Alzheimer's seems to be setting in and I'm not even 40 yet. I just discovered I forgot to put the meat on my sandwich for lunch while preparing it this morning. Cheese and mustard sandwich, yum.

Extra-terrestrials are my brother, too

2008-05-14T14:00:53Z

Well, that's interesting. The BBC and AP are reporting on the director of the Vatican Observatory, Father Gabriel Funes, saying it's entirely possible that extra-terrestrial creatures, even intelligent ones, might exist in L'Osservatore Romano, the Vatican's official newspaper. Unfortunately, it appears that at this moment, the article has not been translated into English. So I took the original Italian article and put it through the Google Translator.

You might remember last month I posted my musings on the possibility of extra-terrestrial messiahs. That, of course, is right out with Catholicism. (And, I imagine, most of Christianity.) Like I said before, it's that whole "only son of God" thing. Details, details.

The article is actually about the relationship of science and religion, but the ET thing gets a little time. When asked if the Genesis creation story doesn't rule out ETs, Funes says, "in my opinion this possibility exists," and goes on to talk about just how mind-boggling big the universe is. Like I did. (Note that this is his opinion, not official Vatican doctrine.) When asked whether they might be as or more advanced than us, he says, "it is possible."

Then it starts to get interesting with the interviewer asking, "and this would not be a problem for our faith?" Funes says it's not a problem, as anything in the universe part of God's creation. I particularly like his quote, "this does not conflict with our faith, because we can not put limits on the creative freedom of God."

Finally, we get to the fun part: "what about redemption?" His answer involved the analogy of intelligent beings as sheep, all part of God's flock. Perhaps mankind was the only group to get lost. Any others "could have remained full in friendship with their Creator." The follow-up was, "if they were sinners, could redemption be for them too?" Funes replied, "Jesus became incarnate once and for all. The incarnation is an event unique and unrepeatable. However, I am sure that they, too, in some way, would have the opportunity to enjoy the mercy of God, as it was for us men." Which, of course, completely blows my lovely little story from last month. But then, I knew no Christian would go for it anyway.

My god, it's full of porn

2008-05-04T22:11:07Z

I recently went on a business trip, which is not a frequent occurrence for me. When you're bored and alone in a hotel room in the evening, what do you do? You check out the pay-per-play, in-room movie service, of course. And what does it seem every hotel offers? Porn!

I'm not really into porn. That's not to say I don't have a healthy sex drive for a heterosexual male . . . okay, this is getting a little too personal. But really, I'm only saying this to explain how, er, educational surfing the descriptions of the porn movies was.

I was, of course, not surprised that most of it was aimed at hetero males. That's obviously the primary consumers of such things. Neither was I surprised at what certain movies specialized in, such as blow jobs, big boobs, black women, barely legal, shaved, and so on. I was surprised to learn that MILF, an acronym I only learned in the last few months, was used to describe certain movies. I figured it was an internet thing. Perhaps it's an internet thing that made it's way into the porn industry. Or perhaps it happened the other way around. After all, the two are pretty closely related. Either way, now I'm wondering if pedophiles have the reverse term: DILF. (You'll excuse me if I don't Google it to find out.)

Lesbian porn was not surprising, but it came in two flavors. One featured women I typically associate with porn. The other featured butch chicks, which was not something I was expecting.

Porn featuring overweight women was a bit surprising. Porn featuring guys watching their wives do other men (voyeurism) seemed a bit over the top. Porn featuring women wearing apparatuses to do men, while not entirely shocking, seemed to be moving to the fringes.

Then there was amateur porn. As in, the "movie" (and I use the term loosely), seemed to indicate it featured nothing but try-outs. I have to wonder just how many people make the transition from try-out to professional. I mean, I know every starlet will have a first movie, but really. Oh, and then there was the one featuring "unshaved women with realistic bodies." Like realistic bodies is what anyone wants! :-)

The winner in my book, however, was "Ugly Girls Need Loving Too." Or something to that effect. The scary part was that this was the only movie not to feature a photo of at least one of the cast. Intriguing in a way, I suppose, but not enough I had any desire to pay for it.

Although you probably won't believe me, I didn't actually watch any of these movies. Obviously not because I'm die-hard, morally opposed to such things, but because I'm cheap. For what the hotel was charging, I could have almost bought two tickets at a movie theater. (And I'd have rather watched I Am Legend anyway, but again not at that price.) I read some of the reading material I brought with me instead.

My iTunes library

2008-04-14T16:33:49Z

Because I'm a geek, I decided to graph my music by year/decade. These represent just pop hits, not all songs I have from these years.

1950s *
1960s ******+
1970s ****************+
1980s ******************************************************+
1990s *********
2000s *

Break it down!:
 1980 ***
 1981 ***+
 1982 ***+
 1983 ******
 1984 *********
 1985 *******+
 1986 *****
 1987 *****+
 1988 *****
 1989 ******

* = 30 mins., + = 15 mins.

Now, based on that, care to guess when I was born? :-)

Internet Culture IQ

2008-04-14T12:52:53Z

It's kind of scary that I got the exact same score as dvandom, from whom I got this bleme. I started off strong, but quickly found myself going "huh?" and having to guess at answers.

1boringperson @ 2008-04-04T12:55:00

2008-04-04T19:09:36Z

What follows is an odd thought I found lingering in my mind when I woke up the other morning. Probably another good candidate for a bad science fiction story.

The phrase "son of man" is common in the Bible. There are several places in the New Testament where Jesus seems to use it to refer to himself. (Before I go any further, let me say that I have done no research into the origins of the phrase, other than a quick glance at Wikipedia just now. No doubt Biblical scholars could blow what I'm going to say out of the water.) What if it was a very literal statement?

Ok, let me back up. We're going to go through a whole series of assumptions. First, assume there is a single god of some sort, much like the God of Christianity, who created the universe. If you're a militant atheist and that offends you, give up now, because it's not going to get better. But keep in mind we're talking fiction here.

Second, the universe is a very, very big place. Christians typically say that God created it and human beings are the pinnacle of his creation. In fact, it often seems assumed that the universe was created for mankind. But isn't the universe a little too big for a single race of beings? Faster than light (FTL) travel, as best we can tell at this time, isn't possible. So it would seem that humanity will collectively never visit most of the universe. So why would God make it so big?

Furthermore, given just how big the universe is, the odds of Earth being absolutely the only planet in the entire universe with intelligent life seems staggeringly low. So let's assume that God has hedged his bets against apocalyptic asteroid strikes and that there are other intelligent races in the universe.

Third, let's assume Jesus really was the son of God, here to save mankind from their sins and reunite them with the creator. Or something like that.

Now we get to the fun part. So, given these assumptions, we now have a universe created by a god who sprinkled it with intelligent life. He has no single chosen people; all intelligent beings are his children. So he sends manifestations to all of them to spread the message of peace and love. Every planet has it's own messiah. And each one is that odd combination of divinity and mortal (be the mortal medium-sized and pink, little and green, big and silicon-based, etc.). Yes, this does completely contradict God giving his "only begotten son" for our sake.

So why does Jesus call himself "the Son of Man"? Because that's what he is. He is the son of God by way of humans. It differentiates him from the other sons of God, like the son of Wookie, the son of Vulcan (heh), and the son of the Greys.

Weathered the storms

2008-02-06T14:58:34Z

This entry done just to let people know I'm still alive, quite literally this time. My wife and I were awoken around 3:45 this morning by the nearby tornado siren. I got up and went to the television to see just where the problem was. Luckily for us, the possible tornado was elsewhere in the county. After flipping through the local stations for 45 minutes to an hour, the threat seemed to have passed, so we went back to bed.

When it came time to get up for the day, the news reported 44 people dead across the south, including some from our state. The possible tornado nearest us, however, either wasn't or never touched down, as there was no damage where they had tracked it. Thank goodness we've dodged the bullet again.

Hopefully not a premonition

2007-12-16T20:53:26Z

My wife and I went to a neighbor's funeral the other day. We opted to follow the police-escorted procession to the cemetery, something I've never done before. We were the last car. I never in my life thought I'd travel so far with a policeman running his lights behind me. :-)

The neighbor was to be entombed in a mausoleum. Not an individual one, but one of those big buildings where the walls are essentially a bunch of crypts. As we followed the casket to the chapel in the middle, I spotted our surname on one pair of crypts and silently pointed it out to her. She responded, "that's creepy."

I should say, we do not have a common surname. And when I say that, I don't mean it's not Smith or Jones. I mean, growing up in a metro area of approximately half to three-quarters of a million people, my family was one of about six listed under our surname in the phone book. Oh, and I no longer live in the city where I grew up, but a smaller one.

'Tis the season . . . for returns

2007-12-05T21:17:03Z

Due to time pressures, we had to forgo our annual trip to the Christmas tree farm. Instead, we went to Home Depot to get our tree. Do you suppose I can return it within 30 days as long as I keep the receipt?

Dumb Test

2007-11-29T20:56:18Z

Am-I-Dumb.com - Intelligence Test

As seen on dvandom's LJ. But I'm smarter because I:

A) took the test a second time to achieve a perfect score
B) hacked the obvious graphic name in their HTML code
C) didn't provide them a valid e-mail address
D) skipped the T-Mobile offer at the end

(Choose only one.)

Speeding tickets

2007-10-10T21:41:13Z

The other day my car pool driver was pulled over for speeding. The initial conversation with the officer went something like this:

Officer: Do you know what the speed limit on this road is?
Driver: No. [A lie.]
Officer: It's 55. Do you know how fast you were going?
Driver: Not exactly. [Perhaps not technically a lie.]

I'm guessing at least 90% of police officers' conversations when they pull someone over for speeding goes something like this. But what happens if you're completely honest and pleasant?

Officer: Do you know what the speed limit on this road is?
Driver: I believe it's 55.
Officer: Um, that's correct. Do you know how fast you were going?
Driver: My speedometer said about 70.
Officer: Uh, yeah. My radar clocked you at 69.
Driver: Here's my license and registration. All the information is correct. I'm glad I could give you something to do today. It's always nice to see the police doing their duty.

How would a police officer handle this? Would he be speechless? Would he make you get out of the car to see if you were driving under the influence? I really doubt it would get you off with a warning, but I can't afford the fine to find out.

Should that be 9002?

2007-10-08T22:02:47Z

I just noticed that the sanitary toilet seat covers in the bathroom, or rather the company that makes them, has an ISO 9001:2000 certificate. I guess knowing the company has documented procedures for producing their products should make me feel . . . relieved?